Sometimes I can't transcend the physical appearance of a person to see the personality and (perhaps) irresistible charm of an individual. I am blinded by their exquisite face or chiseled pecs and fail to gain access to their true being, their genuine nature. In the dating world, I am too concerned with how I would look next to "him." Would I tower over a man of short stature or would we be an aesthetically pleasing couple, with my man several inches taller and me able to rest my head on his shoulder? I ask this because I feel like there's is an unspoken line that cannot be crossed when dating...the short guy/tall girl heavy girl/skinny guy types of couples that you barely see.
This girl I know from high school, let's call her Bethany, said something that resonanted with me. One day during study or some other class when we weren't paying attention of course, she commented, "I can never date a guy who weighs less than me. That's one of my dating criteria." I openly expressed my surprise at her, and pointed out what seemed to be a childish vanity. Later, I thought about how true her comment really is...what women want is the stronger, bigger guy. Who wants to squash their man in bed or be afraid to kiss him passionately for fear of crushing him?
I've been thinking about vanity because there’s this guy in one of my classes and he just asked me to get coffee with him or go out sometime to "get to know each other better." I just nodded weakly and then said I had to go. Luckily, this class is a seminar and only meets once a week. The thing is...this guy is not my type AT ALL. He is rather short, slim, blondish hair, and wears glasses. We would look like the world's MISFIT couple of daters. Personality wise, I try to be open and non-judgmental, but from what I've seen and heard, I'm not impressed. He's very geeky and makes intellectual jokes. Yes, one of those. The other day he said something this RETARDED: "The main message of Socrates' Republic is that we have yet to be formed, we are still need to be modeled into government-minded individuals. We are like playdoh. Plat-o! Haha, Plato, his young apprentice! Isn't that hilarious?" Ummm, NO. None of that intellectual bullshit joke crap will win your way to my heart.
So I am justified, right? Since I looked beyond the things I don't like physically and also confirmed that personality-wise he wasn't for me either.
But then there’s the guy who isn’t your type or doesn’t stand out at all with his muscular physique or popularity with the masses. But gradually, after he makes you laugh non-stop and always insists on holding the door with a touch of class, you forget about looks or how you look together. You see him in a new way, a different way, after knowing the entire person. In a way, he seems MORE attractive the more you like about him...his values, goals, dreams, sense of humor, personality, etc.
I was reading an article once about how we are attracted to people who are similar to ourselves. Not only personality wise, but also physically. Tall, thin, blond women are attracted to tall, thin, blond men, and so on and so forth. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to. Those annoying couples who look SO MUCH ALIKE they could pass for a brother and a sister. Scary and incestuous, yes. But isn’t there something strangely appealing about couples who look good together?
I know, I know. I'm vain, but this post isn't all about me. Who isn't looks-conscious to a certain extent? Looks do matter to a certain degree and that, my friends, can't be avoided.
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2 comments:
I completely agree with this post, Miranda! To me, this isn't just a purely superficial vanity thing... well, it is, but it's a lot more complex than people give it credit for.
First of all, if you can't ever be attracted to someone, bottomline, it won't work. Relationships don't work if he can't ever make you weak in the knees. Whether it's instantaneous or gradual, it has to be there.
Not to mention, tastes in looks and what is considered good-looking varies from person to person. So you don't have to feel bad if you turn someone down for lack of attraction because hey, they'll be the apple of someone else's eye.
Furthermore, I've always prided myself on being part of what I considered a good-looking couple. And even then, it's more to it than just being "conventionally" attractive: there's something to be said about aesthetics and certain "flaws" may ultimately compliment one another, and result in a couple that looks good together, even though apart they may not be anything special. A great couple makes the other person look good just by being with them.
Ok, mini-post disguised as a comment, done.
First of all, it seems kind of mean to blatantly turn down a guy for just coffee. Especially if it were at the campus cafe or anything. So it's good that you didn't do that.
Secondly, I can't believe his play-doh Plato joke. That's hilarious that he actually considers that funny! Did you hear crickets chirping?
And third, I don't think that being attracted to somebody who looks like you means that you'll end up with someone who looks like your brother. My family members are pretty much all thin and dark-haired, and you both know that's my type!
And attraction is key. I've been involved too often with guys I'm not attracted to but treated me so well that I felt like I had to get over that and like the person inside. NOT true! And NOT a good idea. You're just prolonging what will end up as a breakup.
But a sense of humor can make up for almost any guy's looks. If he's funny enough, you don't even notice his looks anymore. Even if he's confident. I was reading in Cosmo today that okay-looking guys with confidence are SO much more attractive than attractive guys with no confidence.
I have the feeling that this thread will result in many further entries....
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