One crazy night, my friends and I decided to hit up the local hangout for some cheap booze and good times. Naturally, we all piled into a cab as no one wanted to claim the role of DD for the night. Can you blame them? Who doesn’t want to go out and have a good time? We told our sketchy cab driver to take us to Cheapo's, the local bar/hangout of choice. He was busy smoking cigarettes, running red lights, and telling us about his time in the "pen" (no lie ladies, this is a shady city, especially the guys driving your local cab). We couldn’t wait to get to Cheapo's fast enough..I'm calling the bar Cheapo's, because basically the drinks are cheap and free-flowing. It’s around $3 for a mixed drink, which is served is a plastic cup and consists of them pouring from the hard liquor bottle and then topping it off with a squirt of mix or juice. Yes, that's right, there's no excessive amounts of mix or a carefully measured shot glass. The booze is free flowing. After 2 long island ice teas, which basically consisted of drinking two cups of vodka, I was pretty plastered.
The great thing about Cheapo’s is that it is a bar, but somehow, after a couple hours of people boozing and shmoozing, it turns into a dance club. Yes, that’s right. What is typically just a bar with tables around an open room because a dance club. All the chairs and tables are moved to the side and of course we started dancing it up once a couple hours passed and it was crowded. Since my friends and I LOVE to dance and start things up, we starting grooving and dancing to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" and Beyonce's classic "Crazy in Love."
We all noticed that two guys kept staring at us dancing from a couple feet away. One was a tallish guy, brown hair and brown eyes who wore a hooded sweatshirt and looked about mid 20s. The other guy was short and stumpy with glasses (Think Newman from Seinfeld, and in fact we’ll call him that). My friend Leslie thought the hooded sweatshirt guy was cute and grabbed him gently by his arms to lead him into our gyrating circle of 20 something year olds liquored up. He wasn’t the best dancer, but then again, white guys usually aren’t, but he was definitely feeling the music. Newman hung by and watched creepily. Hoodie then kept dancing with us and slowly moved in my direction, until it was just the two of us dancing. We introduced ourselves and made the most small talk that you could make while shouting over "Golddigger" and "Every time we Touch" He told him he was from the area, and was in fact a HISTORY teacher at a local high school. He was only 25, but still...macking it with a decently attractive teacher. This was every high school girl’s fantasy and I had to act on it. We kept dancing for awhile (Leslie even kept joking that she got him over here and now he wasn't even paying attention to her...but it was all in good taste).
He was such a gentleman, and asked if he could kiss me, unlike other of the drunken, sex-crazed guys I’ve danced with at clubs. And we made out and it was nice. Who doesn't kiss and tell?!
After, "Save a Horse" came on and I told him I could not dance with him, I had to freeball it, since that is the best song of all time and it doesn't do Big and Rich justice to grind with a sweaty guy. Somehow, in all my horse saving action and my lasoo swinging movements, I ended up dancing with a cute redhead and he offered to buy me booze. My friend Katrina told him I was all set and didn’t need anything. HELLO!!! Next time a guy offers to buy you a drink, YOU DO NOT PASS IT UP. Even if I didn’t want it, I would have given it to one of my friends.
The night wound down, and since I am just looking for fun and not anything else, when he tried to give me his phone number I gave him a fake one, as I often do. I know it’s mean, but that’s just the way it is. Honestly, I don't sleep around for several reasons:
1) I am complete germa-phobe. I can't even leave the bathroom without taking a paper towel and holding it on the doorhandle. Could I have sex with a random stranger?...the whole time, I would NOT be enjoying but contemplating all the STDS on the market he could have, or worse AIDS. Or somehow I would end up on tv in that awkward genital herpes med commercial. "I have genital herpes...I have genital herpes....I have genital herpes." Talk about a nightmare!
2) Yes, I am one of those dreamy, starred eyed girls who believes in love. And I am looking for "real, ridiculous, inconvenient, all-consuming love." And I don't think it is in a expensive hotel room or at any NSA fling at Cheapo's.
3) I HATE awkward situations. The epitome of awkardness would probably be waking up next to said stranger the next morning and realizing he is a four eyed midget, or worse, our horrid science teacher from high school. Actually, this would probably be more REPULSION than awkwardness, but still...
All in all, I think I got an A for my "oral presentation" that night. And now the next step is taking it up a notch from high school teacher to college professor.....
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2 comments:
Giving him your number doesn't mean you're going to have sex with him! Just saying....
Yeah, half the time you give out your number, they don't call anyway. And even if they do, blow 'em off when they call! There's no long-term commitment clause that comes with a phone number. Also, look into the rejection hotline if you want to give up a fake one.
Good luck with the college professor, now that you're a hot sexy grad student, you're totally in!
Gotta say, when I started reading this, I was worried that Newman was going to be a more integral part and something horrific would have happened with him. Glad to see that was not the case!
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