Married Men: Off Limits

There are just too many around. And you think one is hitting on you, or you're hitting it off with him and he's in your age bracket, but in actuality, he's older and married. That's why ladies, before you even OPEN your mouth (or any other body part for that matter), you check the left hand. Don't be obvious about it and avoid his eye contact, but just casually glance down while you're talking to see if there is or isn't a band around that left index finger.

A week ago I met what I thought was a cute, eligible bachelor who wasn't much older than myself. "Mmm, now this is what I'm talking about," said the voice in my head as I sat down across from him and soaked him in. He was cute, with brown eyes, brown hair, tall, and muscular. We were talking and REALLY hitting it off, getting to know where each other was from and discussing common interests. He kept smiling at me warmly, and I said, "I hope I'm not in over my head here." He said, "I have a feeling you'll be just great here" and winked at me seductively. I kept smiling and chatting with him until another lady walked in the room and asked him a question about his day. I didn't pay attention to what the question was, but I heard the answer quite clearly: "blah blah blah MY WIFE blah blah....." Shocked and horrified, I immediately glanced at his left hand, praying that it was an ex wife rather than present wife. Much to my display, there was a white gold band on his left index finger. Like a turtle retreating into its shell for cover, I walked to the opposite side of the room and spoke to the other people there. I don't much remember what happened after. But I do remember thinking...why did I get such a good vibe from him? Was he hitting on me or was he just being friendly? And the never-ending, cliched question surfaced...why are all the good ones taken? Perhaps he wasn't a good one. Perhaps he was just another married sleeze who hits on single girls and only considered what's in their pants, not what's in their brains. Ladies, I learned a valuable lesson from Oprah last month watching a cheating/affair special. In the words of Ms. Winfrey herself: "If a married man hits on you, it is a insult!" (raucous applause from the audience) Yes, it's a insult because he is already attached and essentially going after something he can't and morally should not, have. Regardless, I know there are more men out there. And I know I need to be more careful next time and check that left hand before I check out his killer biceps.