Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Sexy Texts with Alabaster

I've written a good amount about Alabaster. He is a coworker of mine who recently became one of my supervisors -- though not my direct supervisor. He made sure of that by telling HIS supervisor that he couldn't have me on his team because we have a "pre-existing personal relationship."

We hooked up three times about a year ago. Each time was wonderful. Then never again. In retrospect, I think it was a combination of things, but mostly that neither one of us wanted to be the one to make the move to initiate things again.

In the past year, we didn't see each other much, though I quite often drunk texted him. I'm very attracted to him, and he's always been in the back of my mind, though I haven't always admitted it to myself.

Like on New Year's Eve, when I started flirtatiously texting him even though I was in a relationship with the Hott Waiter -- a relationship that had only officially begun (initiated by him, of course, and blissfully agreed to by me and then confirmed on Facebook) a few days beforehand.

I was so embarrassed after that night, I immediately deleted every message exchanged between the two of us.

I ignored Alabaster for a while after that. Then the Hott Waiter and I broke up a few weeks later -- now a few months ago.

Then things started getting flirtatious again.

More tipsy texting. (Am I starting to drink too much?) He told me that "pre-existing personal relationship" thing. Then one day at work, I spent a while talking with him about Las Vegas (he goes there often) and Miranda and I both actually called him later that night to further discuss the hotel where we should stay and tried to convince him to come to Vegas the same weekend as us in June.

On Sunday night, I went over to my friend Emelia's house. She works with me and Alabaster, and she lives in the neighborhood adjacent to his -- I'm about a 20-minute drive from either. Emelia and I are very close and she has heard TONS about my history and feelings for Alabaster.

While watching House reruns, my phone vibrated with a text message. I opened my phone and my mouth fell open. I looked at Emelia.

"Alabaster?" she said.

"Yes!" I gasped. My heart raced. So few people can do that to me.

Alabaster: "[Your hairstyle] is intense"

(I had changed my Facebook status to "Samantha has [a crazy hairstyle]" and I had imported a note with an image of my hair and makeup look from the night before, the night during which I tried to make myself look nice for Nature Boy or any other prospective hookup.)

Me: "It's still pretty big"

Alabaster: "thats funny...are you going to try to maintain the look?"

Me: "Well, i see i have a fan!"

Alabaster: "Hahaha...i think i have to see it in person before i would consider myself a fan"

Thus began the texts. He was at the movies. Emelia and I squealed with each incoming text message. The messages were spaced out every couple of minutes, but I tried to wait longer than he did!

At one point, I became so nervous about the meaning of these messages that I became nauseated and started shaking. I begged Emelia for a piece of organic fruit; she brought me soy milk and crackers. That did help.

At one point I told him that I was amused that he was texting random work people while at the movies.

Alabaster: "i also love that you refered to yourself as a random [work person]"

Me: "Not so random, eh?"

Alabaster: "Not so much"

The movie would be ending around 12:15 AM, so I told him to give me a call when he got out. He told me he would.

Emelia and I started screaming.

To be continued....

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Failed Booty Call Attempt

On Saturday night, as I arrived at the bar downtown, I was in a mood. A horny mood, I guess, for lack of a better term.

At any rate, I WANTED TO HOOK UP.

The day before, I had been exchanging text messages with a former coworker. He is tall and blonde, well built, from a very rural U.S. state and likely of Scandinavian descent. I need a nickname for him.

Nature Boy. He LOVES the outdoors.

Nature Boy and I didn't work in close proximity, but we had gotten into the habit of walking to the nearest public transit station, about a ten-minute walk. We had become good friends during that time -- I even told him about when I hooked up with Alabaster.

I knew that he was new in the city, having moved here from his rural state to be with his girlfriend of a few months, a girl he had met at a summer job in a national park. She was a college senior (this was our first winter after college) at the college right down the street from my apartment.

Oh -- also, we share the same birthday. Which I found special.

I always assumed that he and his girlfriend wouldn't last. Though he wasn't really my type (I'm not into blonde guys, and he had a VERY slight, strange effeminate quality to him -- I assume it's because of where he is from), there was a chemistry that we had.

He quit his job early last spring, about a year ago, and I had only seen him a few times since. We kept in touch via Facebook. He and his girlfriend broke up over the summer. At least I was right about that.

There were two moments of heavy flirtation between us.

The first was his farewell party at the bar the day he quit, about a year ago. He was still with his girlfriend at the time, but she wasn't at the table. After quite a few beers and shots, I whipped out my phone to text (I'm the worst drunk texter) and he grabbed me. We were walking to the next bar.

"Are you doing a booty call?" he said, grabbing the phone out of my hand. "Are you texting Alabaster? You are, aren't you?"

"No!" I shrieked. I dove for the phone and snatched it out of his grip. I then took off like a bat out of hell.

Nature Boy ran after me and threw his arms around me, clamping my arms down. He then stopped trying to grab the phone and just held me from behind. "Sam, if you're doing a booty call, it better be with me," he said into my ear.

I broke away. "You really shouldn't say that."

We then got to another bar and Alabaster wasn't there, and then I drank tequila and that was a very, very bad idea indeed....

The other time, over the summer and after he and his girlfriend had broken up, we were at a bar with a few friends and somehow ended up holding hands. He left shortly after that. Nothing else happened.

So, here we go:

This past Saturday night:

Nature Boy and I texted each other several times. Here are a few excerpts:

Nature Boy: "how have you been samantha?"

Me: "Great! [job news]! how have you been?"

Nature Boy: "Glad to hear that, we should hang out sometime soon"

Me: "I concur. it has been far too long since we did something."

Nature Boy: "Yes, i've missed you"

A few minutes later after more small talk:

Nature Boy: "Going out to the new bar in [neighborhood kind of far from me] that replaced [the bar where I first went with Alabaster the time we first hooked up] - out of your way, but if you're in the area"

Me: "[the bar where I first went with Alabaster the time we first hooked up] closed? headed to [downtown lounge] in [downtown neighborhood] tonight. with [work] people!"

We talked a bit more. After checking with his friend:

Nature Boy: "Looks like i'll see you tonight"


I felt like it was going to actually happen with Nature Boy this time. I did my heavy-duty primping: in addition to the full-body shave that I do just in case I end up hooking up with someone, I also used my special moisturizer, wore the good perfume, pulled out all the stops on my makeup and hair.

I had been planning to meet up with several of my female friends from work, and I did. I figured the guys would arrive later. I immediately sucked down one martini and ordered a second.

And the guys arrived: Nature Boy and a mutual former coworker of ours. It was great. No hugs in greeting, but lots of great conversation.

We talked for a long time, the three of us floating around to the other groups. There were about 12 of us altogether, and we kept having conversations with different groups.

At one point, my friend "Nadia" (she's appeared in earlier entries regarding the Hott Waiter) pulled me aside.

"Sam, he has a girlfriend."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck," I replied. "No wonder he was just looking for friendship on Facebook."

"Yeah, he's with Gisele." Gisele? That was an odd couple. Gisele is a dancer who used to work with both of us, but had left quite a long time ago. There's my job for you. One big incestuous family.

I went back to Nature Boy and talked to him in a new light -- he was just a friend. And I had to push the threesome fantasies involving him and his friend out of my head. And the guys then returned to their neighborhood, presumably to hang out with more people from our work, but I refused the invitation.

At any rate, I still had to hook up with someone -- anyone!

The few attractive guys at the lounge had dispersed. I lamented my cause to my friends, who nodded sympathetically and at least attempted to humor me.

Then they decided to leave.

WTF?! The night was YOUNG! I was only two martinis into the evening!

As we waited in the nearby station, I contemplated going to one of my neighborhood bars, then realized that it would make me look like an alcoholic and/or prostitute.


I told my friends that I don't know why I hadn't thought of the Busker! I was really attracted to him and didn't see him as relationship material, so he would be perfect.

I texted him: "Hey -- i'm in the mood to hook up tonight. are you?"

A few minutes later: "ha- thats such a hot text. Yes but im in bed kind of sick"


Some texts and a convo later, I learned that he was sick in bed but "recovering." At that point, I just got annoyed. "Are you sick or not?" I asked. "Is this going to happen or not? Just tell me. Okay. I'm guessing it's a no."

"Yeah..." he said sheepishly. I didn't like his tone. Awkward city. "I'm sorry. Sweet dreams. Hehehehehe."

Sweet dreams?

Damn. Well, it's hard having interest in him anymore. I went to bed, defeated.

Little did I know that the next night I would end up fulfilling one of my deepest desires.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Just friends -- finally

Tonight, the Cowboy and I hung out, our first date in the two weeks since the catastrophe of me visiting him at his home.

I always knew that this was the time to bring up what had been bothering me for around a month or more:

He's a great guy. We have a blast hanging out together. But I just don't feel it romantically with him. Maybe it's because there's too much friendship. Or maybe it's just because he's too short -- we are the same height, which is average for a girl and short for a guy.

Tonight we went to what we thought was going to be a funny play, but ended up being a strange and mostly unfunny one-man show. Then we went to a local bar in a distinct neighborhood of our city that had a good mix of college students and older townies.

After having our first beer, a guy in his late 40s or so sat down next to the Cowboy. We started chatting about gambling, of all things. Then he asked the significant question out of the blue:

"How long have you guys been seeing each other?"

"We're not," the Cowboy said immediately. Wow. I was surprised. This clearly wouldn't be nearly as hard as I thought. "We're just buddies."

We talked for longer, then left the bar. On the way back, I knew I had to talk to him.

A bit buzzed from our beers, we walked all the way back without touching (as always), but as soon as we got into his car, he made the familiar reach to the back of my neck, and I had to say something.

"Wait," I said. "What was up with what you said to that guy?"

"Well, I just said that to defuse the situation," he said. "He just said that so he could find out if you were single."

Shit. I guess it would be harder than I thought.

"I like you," he continued. "I'd like to see more of you. I have a great time with you."

"Well..." I couldn't look at him. I kept my eyes down. "I just think that while we get along great as friends, and we have awesome friendship chemistry, I just don't think that we have great romantic chemistry."

He was blank. "Okay."

"I don't want to hurt you," I said, looking him in the eyes. "I really don't. I have the best time hanging out with you. It's just that chemistry sometimes can't be explained. I mean, I've ended up with some pretty weird people because of chemistry." Namely, ALABASTER.

"I just thought that you and I had this cool thing," he said. "I mean, I thought that you and I could be buddy-buddy and then go and hook up. I thought it was the best of both worlds. Maybe that's just me being a typical guy, wanting to hook up."

We talked for a long time. He's been hurt before, and because of that, he's been wary of getting into a formal relationship. I told him how much I had been hurt by the Hott Waiter and how it has been so hard to admit that.

We ended our super-long conversation with a hug and a kiss on the cheek (me to him). I kept reiterating that I wanted us to hang out again. "If you're cool with it, I'm cool with it," he said.

I hope that we do end up hanging out again, because he is a really great guy.

Monday, April 14, 2008

He has a kid, and, the latest

Here is the latest news on the multiple guys I am dating:

1) The Cowboy: We haven't seen each other since the night at his house, but we have talked on the phone a few times.

The situation is the same: I love talking to him and we have AWESOME friendship chemistry. However, I don't feel any desire to be more romantically involved with him. I have to figure out how to tell him how I feel.

2) The Busker. We haven't talked since that one time we went out, but he emailed me (though I didn't respond), thenI got a bit drunk and texted him with "How YOU doin?" How Joey Tribbiani of me.

We talked a bit this weekend. He revealed that he has a seven-year-old daughter staying with him this week. I've never dated someone with a kid.

3) The Math Guy. This is a guy from college. (He majord in math.) He's a year younger than me and living in our city now. He's always had a slight thing for me. Once during college, things got flirty and I kissed him a few times, then realized it was a mistake when he was trembling and realized it meant more to him than it did to me.

Things have always been moderately flirtatious, but I'm not sure what I want with him.

He keeps asking me to go out with him and get some drinks, and we made plans for the next week. However, he had health problems (??) and asked me to postpone our plans. I'm not that interested in him, but I'd like to hang out with him.

4) Alabaster. The guy from work that I wrote about in a recent entry. This part is major.

In my company, I work for my company's biggest client. The client is so big that we have two divisions: the elite and the not-so-elite. I will call the elite division Division A; the other is Division B.

I was promoted to Division A within a few months. Alabaster was promoted a few months later. Several months after that, he was promoted to a manager of Division B.

(Personally, I find that my company tends to promote straight white guys, a minority within my company, much more than any other group, but that's another topic for another time.)

I found out today that Alabaster was promoted to manager of Division A. That means that he will technically be one of my managers. I will retain my current manager, but she is one of four managers within my division. For that reason, Alabaster, will be one of my bosses.

I wasn't at work today, but I spent time with a very good friend from work, "Emelia," who told me the news. After a few drinks (I had SEVERAL today, and considering that it's Monday, that therefore makes me an alcoholic), I started texting him. As usual.

I texted him congratulations on his new position, and joked that I couldn't believe that he was my new boss. After a few texts, he called me. I was in the bathroom at the time.

As soon as I got back to my seat (after multiple margaritas at a Mexican restaurant, we were tossing back Blue Moons in a total dive bar), Emelia told me that Alabaster had called while I was away. I called him.

He answered.

We talked for several minutes and discussed his new position at work. I congratulated him. He was gracious. And then he totally told me something that I didn't expect. This is as close to verbatim as I can remember:

Alabaster: "I told [my boss and your boss's boss] that I couldn't have you on my team because it was a conflict of interest."

Me: "Are you serious?!"

Alabaster: "Yeah. I told him that we have a 'previous pre-existing relationship.'"

Me: "You told [your boss and my boss's boss] that?! He's so weird! There's one only thing that can mean!"

Alabaster: "Well..."

Look. It has been WELL OVER A YEAR since we hooked up.

That conversation gives me hope that something else could happen. As I always remind myself when it comes to all relationships, If nothing were there, NOTHING WOULD BE THERE.

Something is there.

Therefore, something is there between us.

We'll see what happens.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Trapped in a Non-Relationship

Somewhat awkward moment today: I was walking home from the subway and I ran smack into the Busker. I haven't seen him, nor have I spoken to him, since our date a week ago.

He was on the phone. I had my iPod on. We mouthed, "Hi," and moved on.

This is why I have to stop dating guys in my neighborhood. I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of them.

I've been continuing to see the Cowboy. And, truth be told, I'm not quite sure why. I think I've established that I'm really not that attracted to him. His height is a huge factor when it comes to that. I wish I could get past it, but I just can't. He's too short.

I am well aware of my dating patterns and I know that staying with someone to whom I'm not attracted is a recipe for disaster. It's been bad enough times. But he's a cool guy and I like hanging out with him. He keeps me entertained.

The other day, I told him that I feel a bit guilty that we always hang out in my neighborhood. He suggested that I come over. He still lives at home, but his parents wouldn't be home this weekend -- they would be away. I agreed to it.

I went to visit him on Sunday, and although we originally planned on sometime before 5, we changed to 7.

I called him when I was almost there to let him know.

"And your parents are still away, right?" I asked.

"Um...they're back now," he told me.

"Oh," I said, my voice hollow. "Oh....okay."

I did not want to meet his parents.

I actually told the Cowboy the other night that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. He told me that he was pretty go-with-the-flow, take-it-as-it-comes.

I was not going to meet the parents of a guy I wasn't even seeing exclusively.

I got to his house. He was inside. I could see his father outside to the left. He didn't introduce us. When we went inside, I could tell that there were people in other rooms, but he must have told them to stay put.

I met his two dogs -- both golden retrievers. One VERY large one and one cute little puppy. I don't like dogs except for the occasional puppy.

I think he could tell because the large one jumped on me and kept trying to lick me everywhere. I think the Cowboy could tell how I felt because I had an expression of disgust and contempt on my face, then went to wash my hands as soon as he restrained the large dog.

"Wow, you really don't like dogs," he said, a bit surprised and amused.

"Well, I told you I wasn't an animal person," I told him. "I guess I didn't tell you just how much."

(To be fair, the little puppy then snuggled in between my ankles, and I found that very cute, for an animal.)

We went upstairs to the attic, where he has a pseudo-suite. After hanging out for a bit, I relaxed, and he kissed me. The kisses are weird -- he always initiates them, and it would never occur to me to do so.


We went out and grabbed dinner. It was fun.

I just don't know what to do. This is never going to be a relationship. But I don't want to hurt him. I'd like to stay friends with him. I don't know how to go about this!!