Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Trapped in a Non-Relationship

Somewhat awkward moment today: I was walking home from the subway and I ran smack into the Busker. I haven't seen him, nor have I spoken to him, since our date a week ago.

He was on the phone. I had my iPod on. We mouthed, "Hi," and moved on.

This is why I have to stop dating guys in my neighborhood. I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of them.

I've been continuing to see the Cowboy. And, truth be told, I'm not quite sure why. I think I've established that I'm really not that attracted to him. His height is a huge factor when it comes to that. I wish I could get past it, but I just can't. He's too short.

I am well aware of my dating patterns and I know that staying with someone to whom I'm not attracted is a recipe for disaster. It's been bad enough times. But he's a cool guy and I like hanging out with him. He keeps me entertained.

The other day, I told him that I feel a bit guilty that we always hang out in my neighborhood. He suggested that I come over. He still lives at home, but his parents wouldn't be home this weekend -- they would be away. I agreed to it.

I went to visit him on Sunday, and although we originally planned on sometime before 5, we changed to 7.

I called him when I was almost there to let him know.

"And your parents are still away, right?" I asked.

"Um...they're back now," he told me.

"Oh," I said, my voice hollow. "Oh....okay."

I did not want to meet his parents.

I actually told the Cowboy the other night that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. He told me that he was pretty go-with-the-flow, take-it-as-it-comes.

I was not going to meet the parents of a guy I wasn't even seeing exclusively.

I got to his house. He was inside. I could see his father outside to the left. He didn't introduce us. When we went inside, I could tell that there were people in other rooms, but he must have told them to stay put.

I met his two dogs -- both golden retrievers. One VERY large one and one cute little puppy. I don't like dogs except for the occasional puppy.

I think he could tell because the large one jumped on me and kept trying to lick me everywhere. I think the Cowboy could tell how I felt because I had an expression of disgust and contempt on my face, then went to wash my hands as soon as he restrained the large dog.

"Wow, you really don't like dogs," he said, a bit surprised and amused.

"Well, I told you I wasn't an animal person," I told him. "I guess I didn't tell you just how much."

(To be fair, the little puppy then snuggled in between my ankles, and I found that very cute, for an animal.)

We went upstairs to the attic, where he has a pseudo-suite. After hanging out for a bit, I relaxed, and he kissed me. The kisses are weird -- he always initiates them, and it would never occur to me to do so.


We went out and grabbed dinner. It was fun.

I just don't know what to do. This is never going to be a relationship. But I don't want to hurt him. I'd like to stay friends with him. I don't know how to go about this!!

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